"You seem a bit..." nervous? frightened? anxious?... "distracted today, Mister Longbottom. I was wondering if there was anything bothering you; perhaps something you'd like to get off of your chest?"
At which point he turned crimson. "P-please don't say ch-chest, Madame Hooch."
The trouble between him and Miss Weasley is sexual in nature, then. Which meant that there was every possibility he wouldn't be able to talk to me about it, seeing as I, too, am one of those mysterious creatures: a female.
I tried to think of a male teacher to whom I could suggest he speak in order to get through whatever the issue was that was perturbing him.
Dumbledore? No. As Headmaster, he was too much of an authority figure. Not to mention that to the teenage mind, he was far too old to be of any use. They tend to think that people of his age long past such physical desires.
Snape? Don't make me laugh! While of an age for it, Longbottom really doesn't need to have this talk with a man who wears a corset and green feather boa. The poor boy would be frightened into remaining celibate for the rest of his life.
Flitwick? Hagrid? Binns? Even our recent succession of Dark Arts teachers would have been all but useless. Lockhart was too vain & Moody far too grotesque.
Lupin might have managed it, but if Longbottom blushes at the mention of the word "chest", I suspect Remus's view of sex might have been too kinky for the boy. He was very ...open-minded.
Quirrell would have been right up the boy's alley; they were sufficiently alike to set the boy at ease. But, well...
"All right, Mister Longbottom, I shan't push. But if there is anything bothering you, I suggest you find a teacher you can trust and unburden yourself. It will make things much easier for everyone, I assure you."
I am so glad I shall never have to go through being a teenager again. It is such an unsettling time.